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The Fairy Tale Ideal

Note: this is a revised version of this essay!

She lies on her bed, sleeping and waiting. She stares from the tower, hoping. She watches the world, wondering. She learns the etiquette of a princess, preparing. She upholds her family duty by marrying. She cleans and takes care of seven “children,” obeying. She accepts her prince charming, her life finally beginning.

From the time I began creating my own stories, fairy tales captivated me. I loved imagining myself in their world: the ever expanding forest where white, sparkly velveteen unicorns roamed, beautiful ladies wore medieval dresses shaded with dark green or royal purple and braided hair that went to their waist, knights in reflective silver chain-mail that glowed in the bright yellow rays of the sun went on adventures, and mysterious gray-stoned castles with secret passage ways and towers to see for miles around existed. I loved the idea of having adventures there. I loved the idea of meeting one’s true love and everything being so simple. The idea of having a happily ever after. The idea of knowing what the future held.

            She is one who is expected to be meek and mild. She must obey her family’s wishes. She is Mulan, who must bring honor to her family through marriage. She is expected to bear children, be a beautiful wife, and act as the gracious and graceful hostess. She must be obedient to her father and husband. She must be on the good graces of the matchmaker. She must not let her family down.

          She is Belle, the inventor’s daughter valued for her beauty. She must be obedient to her father and the Beast. She is expected to be complacent to Gaston. She is expected to marry Gaston, because he is interested in her. She must be pleasant and loving to both the Beast and Gaston. 

            Fifth grade I can still remember falling into the stereotypical ideas of a girl and relationships. I was meek and quiet. I was still taken in by the romantic but simple happy ending of a fairy-tale, but I saw my knight in shining armor with Dan, one of the most attractive and popular guys in my class. He played trombone right next to me in band; the only time it was cool for football players to descend into music geek realm. He had sandy brown hair and baby blue eyes – have I ever mentioned that I am a sucker for guys with blue or green eyes - and he was a little muscular and less pudgy than the rest of us fifth graders.

            I am not really quite sure what I imagined would happen between the two of us, except maybe going on a date. Maybe we would go to a movie, hold hands? He would open the door for me? He would say something adorable, like, “You look extremely nice.” and I would blush? He would ask if I wanted to hang out with him some more, and I would say yes? All I really remember was imagining him as the perfect guy for me. I did not even really know him. 

            “Taught from their infancy that beauty is woman’s scepter, the mind shapes itself to the body, and roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison.”

               In A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, Mary Wollstonecraft initiates the argument that society by treating women as inferior to men and as dolls or play things only perpetuate this expectation for women to value their beauty and worth over intelligence. She argues that women need to be treated as rational creatures and view love and marriage through a more logical stance and with an equal footing. She argues that this societal expectation of keeping women inferior only yields negative effects for women and society.

The rest of fifth grade and sixth grade I obsessed about my appearance more; my baby fat was finally turning into curves, and I was having an early growth spurt. I was convinced that I needed to keep this shape and forced myself to eat more slowly and less, like I saw my friends doing. My lab group constantly compared what our weights were and how to keep them down as seen in Seventeen and People. One time, Dan’s friend offered me an extra sandwich, and my scarlet face boiled with anger. I assumed that he was giving it to me, because I ate a lot and was fat. I did not want Dan to think I was that. So I ate less. I tried to talk to him more, although it always ended with me turning bright red in the face. Still I dreamed that we would sometime go out. I would write poetry, imagining us together. I clung onto the fairy tale ending. I clung onto the societal expectations of waiting and finding the perfect guy.

“Fondness is a poor substitute for friendship.” (Wollstonecraft A Vindication of the Rights of a Woman)

Returning to class from recess in fifth grade, I was standing behind Dan.

He turned around. “What’s your favorite football player?”

“Um . . .” I did not watch football, did not understand it and had no fascination with it. But I still wanted to impress him. “I think they are all pretty good. . . . I am huge Browns’ fan.” Not really.

            “What did you think of the game Sunday?”

            “Oh, well, you know. . .” My face flushed a deep red, which my class had become accustomed to whenever I answered a question that the teacher had addressed toward me.

            “They lost.” His friend Andy had turned around, laughing.

            “Oh, that’s awful.”

            Belle abandoned societal expectations. She did not accept the marriage proposal of Gaston despite familial (her father) and societal pressure. Rather, she politely pushed him out of the door into the mud and set his nasty and muddy black boots on the steps. Against her father’s wishes, she sacrifices her own life to stay with the Beast so her father can go back into society. She defies the Beast’s commands from the beginning as she refuses to eat dinner with him and then explores the forbidden West Wing in the castle. She maintains her love for books and reading. Throughout the movie, she remains true to herself. 

            Somewhere along the path of “finding true love” my obsession with Dan and fairy tales faded. Maybe it was the fact that one of my “good friends” had accused me of being an awful friend since she also had a crush on Dan. Maybe it was the fact that I needed to move on after she had asked Dan to the dance. Maybe it was the fact that I had been officially kicked out of the “popular group.” Maybe it was the fact that everyone else was changing and I still remained my imaginative, romantic self. Or maybe it was the fact that I was growing up, becoming less dependent on fairy tales, realizing that a crush or daydream is not love, and searching for women empowerment. Either way, my dream of a shining knight vanished. 

            “It is vain to expect virtue from women till they are in some degree independent of men” (Mary Wollstonecraft A Vindication of the Rights of a Woman). 

Toward the end of middle school and throughout high school, I became almost bitter with the fairy tale ideal. I thought it was too simple. I did not want to adhere to societal expectations of being meek and quiet. I did not want to wait for some guy to take pity on me to ask me on a date. I did not need a guy as a distraction. Consequentially, I gravitated toward the strong female leads in books. I loved the retelling of fairy tales, where the princess saved the prince in the end of the story. I idolized Queen Elizabeth I – maybe due to the fact that we shared a namesake - who though “a feeble woman,” used her intelligence to lead a nation into the Renaissance and defeat Spain, the strongest country at that time. In reading Ella Enchanted and the other fairy tale parodies, I saw women that did not wait for their princes and ended up saving the day. In the classic novels I read about Jane Eyre, Elizabeth Bennett and Elinor from Sense and Sensibility, all rational human beings that did not let love blind their judgment. I wanted to be like Elizabeth Bennett, who was witty and outgoing, and fell into love without expecting to. From all of these women, I wanted to emulate their strength, intelligence and determination.

Mulan also rejected societal expectations. She could not be who society wanted her to be. Running away and saving her father from enlisting in the army, she dresses as a soldier and learns to fight the Mongols. She fails the test of the match maker and yet passes the test of being a soldier. She saves China and the Emperor. An entire nation is at her debt. All because she did not adhere to societal expectations or wait for a man. No. Rather, she went on an adventure. She discovered herself and stayed true to that.

“Make them free, and they will quickly become wise and virtuous, as men become more so; for the improvement must be mutual” (Mary Wollstonecraft A Vindication of the Rights of a Woman).

            Now when I think about fairy tales, I do not get angry at the simple happy ending. I do not become bitter that society expects a woman to be submissive and wait for a man. Although there are plenty of examples where woman do wait for men, not all princesses are defined entirely by that ideal. Rather when I think about fairy tales, I focus on their complexity and their strength. While being quiet and meek, some defy societal expectations. They go on adventures. They read. They save their families and nations. They represent strong female characters, similar to a Jane Austen heroine, Jane Eyre, Queen Elizabeth I or even Mary Wollstonecraft. Still these princesses find love. Both Mulan and Belle stayed true to themselves and were loved because of who they were.

            She ignores the judgment, knowing. She reads, understanding. She explores, adventuring. She meets her equal, a prince charming. She accepts his hand, her life continuing.